Remember that commercial that went viral a while back about “babies everywhere”? No? Just me? Ok, let me refresh your memory:
As an infertile Myrtle, I feel like I see pregnant ladies and babies EVERYWHERE. Literally. I cannot take my dog for a walk, make a grocery run or even watch TV without being inundated by those more fertile than I. Here are some examples of where I’ve been hit in the face by the baby train:
- At my fertility clinic. Yep, the very place where all the infertiles hang out together inadvertently also sometimes has babies. You might think that would be a good sign – hey, somebody here got pregnant and had a baby! – and for some, that might be the case. However, for most of us, it’s like rubbing salt in an already festering wound. My clinic thankfully has a policy that no children are allowed in the waiting room, but I do run into them occasionally on the other side of the office where everyone passes through to check out and make appointments.
- At church. Damn, this one hurts. I’m usually feeling slightly tender at church anyways, due to the whole “why, God?” thing. And then there’s almost always an adorable family sitting in a pew in front of me and the baby is making eyes at me and cute noises and OH MY GOD IT IS JUST TOO MUCH.
- Target. FREAKING TARGET is the breeding ground for uber-preggos and mamas with new babes. I love Target with a fiery passion as much as the next thirty-something female, but just once, I’d like to not have to navigate through the aisles past all the carts filled with kiddos and kiddo-related items. If Target served alcohol, maybe it would make it a little more tolerable.
- At the emergency room. The night before/wee early morning hours of the day I was due to start my shots for the IVF retrieval, I went to the ER with stomach flu. Lying in bed, hooked up to an IV and unable to move, I was at the mercy of the television screen above my face in the corner of the room. As luck would have it, there was some D-rate 2 am soap opera on, where a woman was like a million months pregnant and getting an ultrasound done. You literally cannot make this shit up.
- Commercials. For the love of God, stop with all the Huggies, Pampers, and Clearblue commercials! I wish there were a “block” button for TV like on Facebook where you can hide topics you don’t want to see. Speaking of which…
- Facebook. Enough said.
Listen, I know that I live in the real world, and I can’t hide from it, babies and all. Honestly, usually seeing babies makes me stinking happy. Their cute chipmunk cheeks, squishy thighs and infectious laughs make me fill with joy. But sometimes that joy turns to sadness. (What is this, Inside Out?) It’s just another example of that weird emotion I discovered called happysad; the ability to feel both ends of the spectrum at the same time. And sometimes I’m only on the sad end of the spectrum, and that’s ok. Other times, hearing a baby’s giggle makes me hopeful and expectant for the day that I’ll one day hear my baby’s laugh. And in that moment, it will be the most beautiful sound in the world.