Graduation day

 

Friday is Graduation Day! AKA, the day that I “graduate” officially from my fertility clinic to my regular OBGYN’s office.

This is the moment that I’ve been waiting for: the day that I get to go forth into the world with a “normal”, healthy, second trimester pregnancy. There’s just one problem, though; I don’t feel normal. Nothing about the past two years has felt normal.

Truth be told, I’m equal parts excited, scared, and sad to leave my clinic. I’ve been with the same doctor, making weekly or more visits to the same office, seeing the same friendly faces since June of last year.  I’ve laughed with them, cried with them, felt at home with them. The thought of not being under their care leaves me feeling a little…. lost.

I’ve also been blessed with a doctor that practices under the guise of “abundance of caution”, and has been calling me in for weekly ultrasounds to check on our little one. Some might call that overkill (which it probably is), but it has been an absolutely amazing experience to see her growing and changing week by week. Not to mention the assurance I feel when each week, we’ve seen and heart a strong heartbeat, and on more than one occasion, seen her wriggling around like the dance queen I am sure she will be outside of the womb. Once I officially transition to my OB, I will receive only two more ultrasounds: the full anatomy scan at 20 weeks, and a secondary scan at 22 weeks to check for heart defects. And that’s it. Definitely a far cry from the weekly peeks we’ve been getting to see what’s going on in there.

So far, I’ve avoided the trap of getting a home doppler to check on the babe’s heartbeat, since I knew it would probably just drive me more crazy if I wasn’t able to find it. But now that our graduation day is fast approaching, I am already dreading the weeks and months that go by without seeing my little one moving and grooving in my tummy. Thankfully, in a few weeks I’ll be feeling her move a lot, and likely will rue the day I wished for strong, soccer star kicks to know she’s A-okay.

Despite my fears, I am so incredibly grateful that we’ve made it this far. I am almost 14 weeks with our little babe, thanks to God, our doctors, and the miracles of modern science. Our baby girl is just over three inches long. She has tiny fingers with fingernails and fingerprints, is swallowing, and is starting to gently tap her mama’s belly with her little limbs to say hello. And that is, in this moment, the biggest gift of all.

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